At the beginning of the month, I saw this post and study guide download over at The Small Seed and once again I thought how lovely it all was, but knew realistically with all that I was studying and wanted to study I would never get around to using it no matter how lovely it was. Then on the 19th of the month, I woke up that morning and felt prompted to print off the study guide and go. "The month was nearly over," I replied. "I won't finish it and it will just be one more thing left undone," I whined. Yet the feeling was clear so I downloaded, printed (on shipping label paper), and adhered the pages to the Moleskine cashier notebook I have been filling up.
I know better than to make a plan when it comes to scripture study and God. I make big goals and He has other ideas about what and where He wants me to reflect. As I doodled the vines on the pages and listened to one of the suggested talks I learned things that only the Spirit can teach. A simple phrase led to unexpected study and peace. Could I have been led there another way? Sure, but God chose this path and I am so thankful I listened.
I have vacillated in sharing these pages, not because I have anything to hide. I was conscious that I might share so I was careful in what I shared and much of the sacred things I wrote in my journal. However, this is still an accurate record of my feelings and thoughts. I am all over the place. I'm self-deprecating and hard on myself in one line and then strong and hopeful in another. I'm am all over the place writing one day here and another day there, but it works for me and this is who I am.
All that being said, sharing this post is taking a great deal of courage and I'm not sure why. Once again I feel that I should so I am, but my heart is tender and tears are streaming down my face as I type these words. Perhaps it's the vulnerable feelings that are so close to the surface, perhaps it's because I haven't blogged in a while and am out of practice being brave. Whatever the reason for these feelings please know that I hope by sharing these you will spend a little more time with God today. It is an exercise and experience you won't regret. I never do.
Because many of you have asked to see what my journals look like I made a small video for Instagram stories. It's terribly unprofessional, but it gives you an idea of what it looks like all together. I'm happy to answer any questions so don't hesitate to ask.
SUPPLIES (these are not affiliate links, just trying to be helpful)