I am clearly not very good at maintaining the blog, life, and our crazy summer traveling schedule. John had a quick business trip in California last week (I joined him) and Gus was in Tonga for the last 2 1/2 weeks. On top of all the other trips and camps the summer has been flown by at record speed. On top of all that my left ankle has been bothering me. I thought that maybe I had over trained, because I hadn't injured myself. I finally went to my doctor to see why it wasn't healing. I knew the pain was isolated around the plate and screws that were "installed" 10 years ago after a terrible break, but I couldn't identify what made it worse or how to alleviate the symptoms.
With great enthusiasm and multiple fist bumps, my doctor said that the hardware needed to come out. Because of my weight loss and more importantly because of the increased bone density and ligament/tendon strengthening that I have been doing with my trainers my ankle and joints were stronger than ever and my body was rejecting the hardware. He was so excited about it he wanted to schedule the surgery for the following day.
I assured him that I needed a little more time to prepare, especially because I would be completely off my foot for the first week with the next few being determined based on how quickly my bone heals. He is not sure how extensive the extraction will be from the quick x-rays they took. My bone has grown around the plate, but how much will be determined during surgery and then of course the holes where the 3 screws were will add to the the healing time. However he is very optimistic that my healing will be more progressive because of all the exercise I have been doing.
However as the last couple of weeks have come and gone and I find myself feverishly trying to prepare myself and the family for my time down, I have found myself wondering if this is really the best route for me. I know it is. I understand and know that my doctor is not going to choose surgery as the best option unless it is. He knows my medical history and realizes that this will be my 20th surgery. Still, my mind knows what is coming and I'm fighting the nervousness. This will be the first surgery that I walk in pain free, only because I have done very little exercising the last few weeks to keep the swelling and pain down per the doctor's instructions.
I know what is coming.
I've had this pain before and I don't want it again. I dislike the anesthesia and the pain medications. I don't want to feel the pain of not taking the narcotics because I think they are worse than the pain (my body reacts adversely to most medications). Before the agony going into a surgery far outweighed the immediate discomfort. That is not the case today and perhaps that is why I am writing and sharing, a little therapy and processing.
Tomorrow at this time I will have in my hand the plate and screws (hopefully) that have help my ankle together. They have made the metal detector buzz on occasion through airport security. They have been the source of little fingers feeling the impression through my skin. They have become part of who I am, but I am also excited to leave that part of me behind. This is another step to overall health and well being. My body is getting stronger. My bone density is increasing and my muscle mass building. It's not how I would have chosen to spend the next 6 weeks, but I am so thankful for the reversing effects exercise is having on my body. It really is miraculous.
The children brought up the scooter. It has been passed around to various neighbors over the years. It has been a comfort to many. I don't look forward to using it again, but I am so thankful that I have it. My guys couldn't understand my dread as they zipped around the house. "This thing is awesome!" "Why don't we use it more often?" The beauty of innocence.