At the beginning of the year I was really struggling with a situation with one of the children and I was really questioning my ability to parent. I was at a loss as to how I could help my child and I felt such sadness that I couldn't solve the problem. I was sitting on an airplane high in the clouds contemplating, yearning and searching for peace in the only place that always gives me answers: the scriptures.
"be still and know that I am God." D&C 101:16
How many times would this simple line profoundly effect my life?
I was reminding of this singular moment again this morning while talking to Whitney, for in addition to remembering this verse the Spirit powerfully asked, "Why would you take this trial away when it will be the means for great growth? Why would you remove this when it will shape the person they are to become?"
I stopped and looked out the window and snapped a quick picture so I could remember this moment.
Isn't it magnificent? I thought about all the different difficult moments moments of my life and how grateful I am for all that I learned and endured. In the middled I don't think I was a thankful, but each challenging thing helped me grow and stretch and become the person I am today and will be in the future. How could I deny this child or any of my children their growth for my ease and comfort?
"Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.
And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful ? how is it that ye have no faith" Mark 4:39 -40
The growth challenging situation has not resolved itself. It's been a year of deep searching struggles, but my perspective has greatly changed. I still forget at times, but God is always there to remind me:
"O Job: stand still, and consider the wondrous works of God." Job 37:14
I look at my child and the progress and growth made and I weep at the mercy of the Lord in our lives. He is at the helm of this ship and He is taking us to magnificent places. Just as I am not going to give up on my child the Lord is not able to give up on us. He is bound to us in a way I am perhaps just learning to understand.
"The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace." Exodus 14:14
After a trying weekend, having this one reminder has filled my soul with peace once again. I could have handled things differently, I could have been more patient but I am going to remember that along with my child, I am learning. We all make mistakes and that we need to learn to forgive ourselves, to see the value of who we are for God is there for me and you. I am reminded to be gentle not only with my children, but with myself as we learn together. I have come to understand and see my value as a daughter of God in a way that is difficult to describe in words, but fills my soul with peace and overwhelming love. I pray that my children, that everyone can feel this love. It's beautiful beyond description.
He is my all.
You can read more about our get away here.