Do you ever have a great idea, but the reality of of it just doesn't work out?
I do this all the time. I think of something and work on it for a bit in a rough draft form and find that if I tweak it this way or that way I can make it better, more grand. It will be perfect. Then the reality sets in and you realize that you've made it more complicated that could ever manage.
I have become so intimidated by the idea of creating something meaningful, beautiful, and lasting that I stopped working. I didn't stop studying, but I stopped taking notes. I don't want to add color to every page and I felt like I needed to create a masterpiece from each talk. I hate micron pens! I know it's almost blasphemous to say, but it's true. I hate the way they move on the paper, I hate the way my handwriting looks with them. It's not a happy relationship. I hated having to have so many supplies out. I couldn't just go and sketch with a pen and paper, it became complicated and messy.
So there in the cupboard sat empty notebooks, taunting me.
Why do I do this to myself time and time again? It's not just with this project, but so many other projects in my life. I take on too much. I plan too much. I think I can do everything, when I know I can't.
So I ripped the pages out of the notebooks. I glued them into my favorite moleskine notebook and I started again, this time simply. I went back to what I know works and what feels comfortable to me. Something I can drag from room to room if I need to.
I can use my favorite pen. I can draw simple stick figures and not worry that my skills are lacking. I can skip pages, add inserts, and do whatever I want. I know I can do that with the other sketchbooks, but it wasn't working. It's a silly thing, but I never claimed to be anything other than just me. This is comfortable for me and with everything else going on in my life comfortable is essential.
I even said no to some outside projects this week.
General conference is in a few weeks and for the first time in a long time I am ready. My conference folders are ready. My children are even excited.