*having an even number of socks come out of the dryer
*flushing the toilet without wondering if a sock, matchbox car or cell phone is clogging the way
*finding the kitchen still clean a few hours later
*catching a glass of juice before it spills all over the floor
*the sound of children playing happily together
*kisses, kisses, and more kisses
Once again, this post is primarily about Loafie. She is the current blog hog. She is center of our
world right now or rather she is the most
dependent. She relies on us for everything. My
focus is on her does that mean I love the other children any less, but if
the statistical analysis of love equals blog posts is an indicator I'm in
But in my defense, are you listening Fred (more about the pseudonyms
they have chosen later) I didn't know about blogging when you or any of
your sisters were born. If I had you would have been the center of every post and I am going back and slowly adding your photos so your statistics are going up.
I found a piece of paper the other day where I had written this comment from one of the big boys to the other. I didn't write down who said it, but I have my suspicions. "Mom's busy. If we are quiet she won't bug us."
All this made me think about the ebb and flows of family life. There are periods of time when one child gets more attention, whether due to health, accomplishments, or even inappropriate behavior. Just because I praise someone does not mean I don't think another is not as great. It's just that child's time to shine. This has been a difficult concept for the younger children to learn.
We are part of a family, an orchestra. We have to work together to make a beautiful sound. We all can't be the soloist. We've tried that. It doesn't work. It only causes confusion and delay (yes, I am now quoting from Thomas the tank Engine). At any given time we all have to be part of the supporting cast, part of the cheering section when auditions are announced, when the note are hit perfectly, and when a point is scored. Each of us is essential and together we are fantastic.
I found this through my mother (thanks mom) and I have to say what a beautiful short film.
"A Senseless Act" was wonderful. I can't wait to watch the rest.
I am not writing this to garner sympathy or praise. I am writing this because adoption is complex.Raising children in general is complex.
There is never a right way, there are always twists and turns. Just when I figure something out, it doesn't work in another situation. Along with the love there is sometimes pain.
I was recently told (once again) about "all the kids who are the most trouble who come into my office are adopted." I was calm and asked what percentage of the troubled children were adopted and what percentage were biological? I also asked if that same percentage could be said of children who are not troubled?
It was conceded that I made a valid point. I did not argue so that I could be right, but I will not assume that my adopted children are going to have more "problems and issues" just because they are adopted. Growing up is tough no matter who you are. You think you know something or have things figured out and your life leads you to know another fact. It happens to everyone.
That being said, my adopted children do have to face, come to terms, grieve, and perhaps even be a little angry about things they might not ever get answers to. Sometimes I am prepared for the questions and comments, "Was it hard for her to give me away?" "Does she really love me?" "You aren't my real mother."
Other times I am not.... "You don't love me because I'm adopted." "She loves me more than you." "I love her more than you." "What was wrong with me, was I not good enough to keep?"
Even my biological children wonder if they are valued and loved as much as their adoptive siblings.
Sometimes in the heat of everyday life when the day has been hard (as it can be raising children) I question if I've done enough. How can I show them how much I love them? How I can help them? What will I do if they choose to walk away and never come back?
I get scared.
I want to keep them all young. I want to keep them safe and protected from the pain that might come, but that will not due because I would also keep them from the love and joy. I would also be withholding the faith and the hope.
I told them all the other day that I didn't have the answers to all these questions. I don't know, but I told them that there was someone who does and it is only through Him that peace will come.
"But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things" (2 Nephi 2:24)
There are going to rocky, painful moments in our lives as a family, but I have NO DOUBTS that we were suppose to be a family. That was part of the plan and that if we work together through the good and the bad and put our trust in the Lord, He will make up the difference. He will lead us by the hand, succor us, and fill our lives with love and joy beyond compare.
“Heavenly Father has not left us alone during our mortal probation. He has already given us all the ‘safety equipment’ we will need to successfully return to Him. He has given us personal prayer, the scriptures, living prophets, and the Holy Ghost to guide us. At times, using this equipment may seem cumbersome, awkward, and horribly unfashionable. Its proper use requires our diligence, obedience, and persistence. But I, for one, choose to use it. We must all choose to use it.” Ann M. Dibb, "Hold On,” Ensign, Nov. 2009, 80
We have pairs:
and then there is Loafie.
I am constantly being asked if Loaf will be part of a pair. A buddy. I can honestly say I have no idea. It's not in the plan, but then my plan is so different than I ever anticipated perhaps I don't even have a plan anymore. Or rather my plan is His plan and it's a much better plan.
So I no longer make the statement, "We're done!" I made it after Munch. I made it after Fred. I made it after both sets of boys and when people questioned my resolve I would said that I would need to see the face of God or have an angel declare that there is another child.
I was wrong.
I did not need that.
I got something even more powerful. The promptings and revelation from the Holy Ghost.
President Joseph Fielding Smith said, "When a man has the manifestation from the Holy Ghost, it leaves an indelible impression on his soul, one that is not easily erased. It is Spirit speaking to spirit, and it comes with convincing force. A manifestation of an angel, or even the Son of God himself, would impress the eye and mind, and eventually become dimmed, but the impressions of the Holy Ghost sink deeper into the soul and are more difficult to erase" (Answers to Gospel Questions, 2:151). President Smith also said, "Through the Holy Ghost the truth is woven into the very fibre and sinews of the body so that it cannot be forgotten" (Doctrines of Salvation, 1:48). Gospel Principles: Chapter 7
So if Loaf is part of "a pair" (and no I'm not making any announcements) then she part of pair and I will look forward to that communication from God through the power of the Holy Ghost telling me the "truth of all things" (Moroni 10:5). If she is the caboose then she is the end and what a lovely way to end. Either way, it's a plan of faith and love. One that I'm glad to be on.