"There are two spirits striving with us always, one telling us to do continue our labor for good, and one telling us that with the faults and failings of our nature we are unworthy." President Heber J. Grant, Gospel Standards, complied by G. Homer Durham (Salt Lake City; Improvement Era, 1969), pp. 193-97.
I'm not sure why I am having such a struggle right now, but more days than not I end up in tears feeling like I have failed. It's not constant, it just happens daily rather than monthly or yearly.
I know where it's coming from, but I'm having a hard time combating it. I know what I need to do. It's has always worked. I haven't known why it works, but it does.
I need to spend more time in the scriptures. I have let it slide. I still read everyday, but I haven't been studying like I should. I can't be casual. It doesn't work for my spirit.
I learned why this week, while reading Elder Holland's talk from October's General Conference: Safety for the soul. He talks about Lehi's vision pertaining to the Tree of Life (see 1 Nephi 8 and 1 Nephi 11: 25, 27-28, 31) He made a connection I had never seen before and one that I will treasure.
“I beheld,” Nephi says later, “that the rod of iron . . . was the word of God, [leading] . . . to the tree of life; . . . a representation of the love of God.” Viewing this manifestation of God’s love, Nephi goes on to say:
“I looked and beheld the Redeemer of the world, . . . [who] went forth ministering unto the people. . . .
“ . . . And I beheld multitudes of people who were sick, and who were afflicted with all manner of diseases, and with devils and unclean spirits; . . . and they were healed by the power of the Lamb of God; and the devils and the unclean spirits were cast out.”5
Love. Healing. Help. Hope. The power of Christ to counter all troubles in all times—including the end of times. That is the safe harbor God wants for us in personal or public days of despair. (Elder Holland, Safety for the Soul)
This is why studying my scriptures combats my depression: the love of God heals.
It heals my heart and mind. Reading these words heal my soul and cast out the unclean and opposing spirit.
It's beautiful in it's simplicity and powerful in it's application.